(Our well-known Calypsonian, Gabby, has once again
won the Annual Championship, this time with a calypso called WUK-UP. Wukking up is simulated sex on the highway at calypso processions, man behind woman. Gabby's calypso also attacked the local varieties of Churches for
hypocrisy, and when the Churches counterattacked Gabby informed us that the calypso had been sent to him, hm., hm., by no less than God himself!)Busy old omnipotent God is normally rather short of time to carry out all His
duties, especially nowadays, when millions of galaxies have been discovered, each with hundreds of millions of stars. Among those stars there are millions with planets, many of them with life and probably a few with computers. So
even if He actually made the whole thing He must find it more and more difficult to look after His widely spread property. And if we are part of a Multiverse, then any SuperGod, sparrowfall-Enumerator and hair-of
–the-head-Counter is going to need a Holy Office full of Secretary-Gods to get the World-Care done.
So we must be grateful that God in His Office has found time (so Gabby says) to send down to tiny Barbados that Wuk-Up calypso of
2000. Now if Gabby is right, that Godly Message makes it plain that the Creator has a marvellous sense of humour, a faculty which has never been emphasised by any theology.
Mind you, sex is a good laugh, anyway, with all those
grunts and groans and indecorous thrusts, not to mention that post coitum triste bit. And we humans are interested in it all the year round! That's the reason there are far too many of us humans. That and the fact that most
of us are heterosexual.
Of course it was a great idea to have year-round sex when men were ancient at 45, and both genders dead at 50, especially when our infant mortality in the Cave was around fifty per cent. Now the
statistics are very different; that's why God sent coitus interruptus down to Mr. Onan in the Old Testament and, a bit later, the French Letter and the Pill to all of us, not just to the Chosen People.
But none of
those devices have been really effective in controlling the world population which is still rising disastrously, except in Europe, Singapore and Barbados. I think God must be getting a bit fed up with Homo not very sapiens
dominating God's Earth so very unwisely. Do you think that's why God sent AIDS, with the aim of doing what onanism, the Lettre Anglaise
and the Pill have failed to achieve? Choosing an Old World monkey as the vector merely followed His usual habits, as when we first got measles from our cows. However it would seem a bit odd, Gabby, don't you think, to send AIDS to control the rising population of
H. stupidens at almost the same time as sending Wuk-Up calypso to encourage an increase in casual sex.
But although homosexuality is an excellent method of Birth Control I don't really believe it was sent
specially by God. Sorry, chaps! Homosexual behaviour is common among lots of other species, even among those thought to be endangered. My guess is that it's just a variety of sexual behaviour, just as some male heteros will
have sex with anything bipedal, cleft and moving, while others are more selective.
Gabby thinks the 650 signatures collected by The Concerned Pastors For National Moral And Social Issues (the TCPFNMASI) is nothing compared with
the four million who listened to him on Labour Day on the Eastern Parkway, wherever that is, I suspect in N.Y. .Have you heard, clever Gabby, that there are only about a quarter-million people in Barbados? Not easy to collect four
million of us Bajans anywhere in the world.
Another good method of population control is sending people to prison for a long time. I'm told that drugs can be obtained fairly easily in most prisons, but it does seem that
heterosexual intercourse is rather restricted. On the other hand, homosexual behaviour would be encouraged by Mr. Philip Goddard's Health Ministerial and sensible plan to provide free condoms in Glendairy. But would that not be
unfair to heterosexual criminals? I would like to form a Group To Stand Up For The Rights Of Heterosexual Prisoners (the GTSUFTROHeP).
Modern technology, I hear, has reached the point where inflatable ladies can readily be
purchased, and these ladies are willing and able to provide comfort and happiness for heterosexual prisoners. The GTSUFTROHeP does not suggest that they be provided free. They should be a reward for good behaviour. It is reassuring
to note that they will never run away. Better still, they will never get either AIDS or pregnant!
I do hope the TCPFNMASI will cooperate with the GTSUFTROHeP.
What we really need is a Breeding Season, as so many vertebrates and mammals enjoy.
