The taxonomy or classification of
the Angelic species has never appealed to biologists. Perhaps the reason can be found in a statement by the evolutionary biologists David Pilbeam and Stephen Jay Gould with which they began a serious
paper:"Human palaeontology shares a peculiar trait with such disparate subjects as theology and extraterrestrial biology; it contains more practitioners than objects for study."
Angelus coelum var. christianicum is the kind with which we are most familiar in Barbados, though older Bajans are able to recall a kindred species now becoming rare. I refer to Angelus infernum.
My interest in this subject arises from a book by Malcolm Godwin (such an appropriate name) entitled " Angels, an Endangered Species". Godwin has studied the subject to the extent of 253 pages, with an
abundance of illustrations.
The name of the species is thought to be circuitously derived from a Hebrew word meaning messenger, and those of us who are Art lovers will remember many pictures of the Angel of the
Annunciation with the destination of his message.
Angelus coelum var. islamicum
is remembered by adherents of the religion as that Angel who dictated the Koran to Mahomed some hundreds of years later and who bears the same name as the Announcer, namely the Archangel Gabriel. Some relative, I imagine, of that Immortal, Hermes, who used to carry to earth messages from old Olympian Zeus.
Little information about Angels is to be found in the Bible. Only three are mentioned by name: Michael, Leader of the Heavenly Hosts, our reliable friend, Gabriel and, rather surprisingly, Apollyon, the Angel of the
Bottomless Pit (Rev, ix, 11)
Godwin suggests that angels originated from "an extraordinary Hebrew program of crossbreeding original Egyptian, Sumerian, Babylonian and Persian supernatural beings."
The resulting winged figure was later adopted by the new
religion and later still by the Muslims. Perhaps it was in mediaeval Europe that the
Angels had their heyday. An illiterate population with folk legends of field -Gods and wood-Gods and river-Gods and fairies would have been ready to accept the half-gods of the latest religion.
Their wings,
so precisely and beautifully painted in the holy pictures, were entirely magical wings. Angels had no muscles to flap those fine , big aerodynamic wings. If they were to be any good as performers
in the air they would have needed breast-bones two or three feet deep, bigger in proportion than a big-breasted, but poor-flying village hen. And as for those baby putti
with their infant wings it was obvious that , however pretty they were , they were useless in the air.
Mind you, members of the species Angelus infernum
were equally unlifelike. Generally represented flying downwards, homing, like a pigeon, to the nether regions, they hadn't even enough sense to realise that they ought to fold their wings like a peregrine falcon to get there quicker.Their wings weren't decently feathered , but bald bats' wings, sometimes with claws on the ends of the fingers, but necessarily made of a fireproof material.
However, in spite of their hard work, their infernal environment finally failed them. Hell ran out of fuel, even out of faith. The raw material of Hell's Angels, those resident old evil sinners, now out of the
frying pan, out of the fire, are now merely dead and bored.....
But, nil desperandum,
the Angels have adapted to new times and new opportunities.They have shed their wings but not given up flying. Designing and constructing twentieth-century flying saucers they still bring us messages from the heavens. but, sadly, they've become more interested in sex. Sex and Angels used to be entirely incompatible. Not so nowadays.
My theory is that when Hell closed its Gates for the last time the severed and unemployed Angels naturally got bored and started to chat to Zeus. That priapic old Greek, Zeus would have told them about his many
amatory excursions to earth. You probably remember that Zeus fancied the lovely Leda and made his way down to earth, dressed as a swan. Several masterpieces of Great Art show that after a few beaky kisses Leda, who is
thought never to have had a swan before, allowed Swan-Zeus to have his way with her. Such unsettling conversations might readily encourage the idle and hormonally-challenged Angels to think and brood about
sex.
After climbing down through the floor of Heaven into their vehicle the expedition members might well be looking forward to some exploits in Nelson Street or elsewhere on Earth.There are published accounts of such
tourists emerging from their flying saucers to inveigle modest human ladies into their flying machines, undress them, inspect them, and, having worked out what to do, they, at least the male Angels, actually (ahem!)
well, er, rape them.
It wasn't like that in the Old Days. But, dear reader, I urge you not to despair. We have a new and modern Guardian Angel! Allow me to introduce you to....(drum-rolls, trumpets) .... Superman!
